how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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