hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
