def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
