We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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