There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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