Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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