i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
