dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize