I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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