You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
