you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
