i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Threesome in a minivan. New low
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
