she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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