just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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