White coat. Heels.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
