Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
