Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
