The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
