So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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