Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
