I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
