I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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