My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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