Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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