fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
