My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
