just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize