Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
