he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
ok first of all what the fuck
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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