She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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