There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
