You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
