i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Pants are for mortals
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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