my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
