you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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