I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
