I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
