threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
