Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
