Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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