It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
