I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
