whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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