I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
