Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
