my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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