don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
