I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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