dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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