Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
