Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
