It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize