Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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