Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
