I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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