Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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