im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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