Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize