If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
