I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
