Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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