ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
