1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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