My Higher Power is John Stamos
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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