you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
