He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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