Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
