I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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