Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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