does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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