I wish I could punch you in the face.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
