I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
